Saturday, 26 July 2014

upset phase two

I somehow waited until now to read Girls to the Front. I got to the part where the writer is talking about Nation of Ulysses' mission statement and Bikini Kill's deliberate, revolutionary aspirations. It made me wonder what I wanted for Upset and from Upset.

I started Upset as a way to stake some claim for myself musically. I believe every person's role in a band is of equal importance, and I think some of my former band mates would disagree. I wanted to be part of a band, not in someone's backing band. I also didn't want to be the kind of musician with a backing band. As a drummer, I felt I was making the same physical and emotional sacrifices as everyone else, only with less reward.

Both bands I was in before Upset, I had joined somewhere between formation and ascension. I knew if I were to continue playing in bands, I wanted it to be something I helped build from the ground up. I needed to prove to the world and myself that I am capable of creating. We accomplished that with the first album.

Now what? Where do we go with this? I guess part of the battle is knowing that you want to keep fighting.

I want to reach as many people as possible with music that is sincere and empowering.
I want to be an accessible band of smart women.
I want to be able to finally do what I was always too timid to do.
I want to explore my relationships with female friends and dissect them and reflect on them.
I want to be honest and open about my body image and the struggles I have with it.
I want to learn to be honest with myself and write about my experience as a woman.
I want to sing about my love for my boyfriend.
I want to share my shortcomings.
I want to inspire a generation.
I want to make sense of my thoughts and memories through song.
I want to outdo myself and challenge myself to get better and stronger.
I wanna make someone cry and start a band.
I want to leave behind a legacy.
I want to have fun creating things with my friends.
I want to feel part of something bigger than myself.
I want to stop worrying about who I will appeal to.
I want to create what comes to me, free of pretension and constraints.
I wanna scream.
I want Rachel to sing too.
I want to hurry up and write another album.

I have to be patient and have faith that all of this will come together the way it should, but I also need to keep moving forward. I don't want to wake up one day and realize I've just been shifting my weight side to side. There's not enough time for that.

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